Deprived of love

When you are not in the moment. Truly in the moment with pure love in your heart. You are in turn depriving yourself of so much love. The love of a stranger's smile. The joy of a small child popping a bubble. The love that comes from genuine and authentic eye contact. A conversation. The taste of food. The list goes on and on. There is no beginning and end. This or that. Ups and downs. There is only love. Your only state of being. A deep sense of gratitude that even though we depend on the Earth for our survival and give nothing back in return, she still gives.

Ever since I was a little girl, I would look up at the stars at night and dream and philosophize. Yes, philosophize. I had many ideas about myself and the world around me. And though I don't think I could put it into words at the time, I wanted to share with the world what I saw. Through my eyes of the world and the beauty it holds. I would talk to my "audience" for hours on end. There is beauty in every single thing we do. There is love everywhere. And I wanted to experience all that life could possibly offer.

Acting came naturally to me. I loved making people laugh and I could do it easily because I was such a keen observer that I could mimic people well. I have a quick whit and a knack at storytelling. I love the work that goes into preparing for a role and performing. I love learning about a character and the idea of being someone else. Walking in their shoes. So my life's purpose has become to find a way to combine both of these deep desires. To be heard and give, and to perform. As a child, I always felt that this would come by the way of a documentary of sorts about my own life and the way I lived my life as an example.

I have a deep desire to be remembered. To make a mark. Leave my story so that others can learn from it and ultimately admire it.

So, here I sit. I am 28 years old. It is April 20th 2015 at 11:25pm. I have doubted myself and been influenced by what others have said. That's ok. I am learning to forgive. But I know that this is my year. This is the year that I thrive. That I begin to live out my dreams every day, every moment.

This is my 28th year.